| good news travels fast! |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|02:47 am] |
well i finally told all the people I wanted to tell personally about my news myself and in person.
But, I'd also like to thank aldrich and pilar for telling everyone else!
because it was going to get to everyone else eventually, and the sooner the better?
saves me from explaining myself later, so really thanks :) ***** |
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| homecoming |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|08:55 pm] |
Philippines v. Filipinos in United States:
Filipinos are notorious for being late to Church in the 'States,' but Filipinos in the Philippines are notoriously prompt.
The movie theatres in the Philippines have set times, but you can stay for as long as you... fuck, doo, it's air conditioning...
People here say, "youchube" when really its youTUUUUUbe.
There aren't a lot of rooms, so kids sleep for their parents for a long time and stay attached rather than grow to be independent
i'm going home on a 10 pm flight back, home. LA county, Highland Park, 6141 Springvale Drive. This vacation has been bittersweet, and the goodbye to my family here is just as bittersweet. They love me very much here and are willing to do anything for me. My cousins and uncles treat me so well - I'll miss having the HUUUUGE family that I have here. Everybody's growing and I really don't want to miss a thing - I don't want to miss Ace graduate, Maila grow up, Arianne get a boyfriend, see my Lolo get drunk, see my Grandma happy, see Pogi finish college... But, currently, my return rate to the Philippines may be delayed as a result of recent events.
I'm so happy to be going home though. I can say that the first place I want to be is 6141. I want to see my dad and mom who love me very much. I want to see my lolas. I want to see how little lola is doing if she's feeling better and if lola fel is still the same. I want to tell them all about my adventures. I want to hug all my dogs! I have three now! I can't wait to see Jp, after all that we've been through it'll be nice to have him literally next to me and there for me. I can't wait to see my friends, to tell them my news. I can't wait to "party" but not really party...
I can hardly wait... yet I can't wait until I can come back to the Philippines. |
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| el prego. |
[Jun. 11th, 2008|10:02 pm] |
not like the spaghetti sauce, but i'm - you've guessed it pregnant. everyone in my family knows, jp knows his family knows.
all of a sudden my life flashed before my eyes. all my dreams that i had, of transfering from usf to ucla then become a lawyer etc, of having a baby on my own time, of having a steady and stable relationship with jp, of returning to beautiful cold and sometimes dreary san francisco, of being suppper excited to come home ... to be hugged and kissed... thats all gone out the window.
welcome to the real world. as an 18 year old i like to think i'm mature, but when real world decisions like having a baby are thrown upon you when you're 18 of course you chose to act fairly immaturely about the situation. 1) you sneak around. 2) you tell no one and 3) you decide to selfishly do whats best for you so as you do not get in trouble. now i can safely say having done all of those i did get caught and i did get in trouble.
so aside from my future being crushed, i have more to deal with. my parents being pissed. jp's parents being pissed. of course, the natural separation that will occur between jp and i. the resentment i have developed towards myself and him because of the situation and the consequences i must face... i deal with the dirty looks i will recieve being pregnant. the people i dont even know talking behind my back saying, "what a shame" only reinforcing my lack of a future... and well the natural dissappointment from everyone. my friends will know me as jo ann and marc - the sequel.
except, my p.o.v. jo ann has it easier than i do. her parents can take care of the baby and let her go out. i know my parents will make it so i can't go out. friends, what friends? dont get me started on how they feel about jp.
its like when you dissappoint your parents but worse, because you're bringing in a whole new person in this world. i can clearly not afford this baby, nor do i feel like i should keep the child but my family has every intention of making me keep this baby, and because of that i resent them and this baby too.
so this is me, 2 months and 2 days saying, i resent everyone, especially myself.
welcome, baby. |
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| i've turned into shaina? |
[Jun. 11th, 2008|12:13 am] |
nowadays, as honest as i want to be and unforgiveably blunt i've become, i suppose its my pride which keeps secrets.
ah well. another one bites the dust. |
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| grounded. |
[May. 29th, 2008|07:25 pm] |
i'm in the philippines for a month or so and i'm having the time of my life. my family here wishes i could stay here forever and my grandma is hoping for me to go to college here... that's a very big maybe. but you do what you gotta do for family...
especially my family. i realized they're the ones that i can keep it real with. 4REAL. being here, i tell them everything, they know almost all my secrets. i dont have anxiety. i can be my complete self. i'm less bitchy. they make me a humbler and happier person.
they just make me want to stay. i'm so thankful i have such great family in my life. back home, all i have are my friends to depend on and that's great, but i don't feel the same. when i'm with my family there's this sense of safety and wholesome that i guess i fear comes with friends. it's one of those things that got in grained within me because of experiences... but for me, my family never seems to fail and endure.
every night i go out with a different member, and i find more about my family and about myself. i see the similarities and they enlighten me. They're older and wiser, younger, fatter, dumber, more arrogant, more humble, bitchier, fobbier, dirtier, gay, innocent, party pipol -> they are my bluuhhdd.
so this me, writing to you, telling you that my number one is my fam... yeah i got priorities, but i'm far from grown.
ill miss them very. |
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